It’s been over 10 years since I stopped watching the news daily. That, however, is not the point. (We can debate that another day—preferably over tea).

But there’s this one story on social media that has hunted me down like a determined debt collector. It has found me in every group I am in, crept into my timeline, and stubbornly refused to be ignored. And before you ask, no, I don’t wish to weigh in on whether one should be a goat wife, a sheep wife or a cow wife. I have no desire to graze in that pasture. My point is entirely different.

𝐌𝐚𝐫𝐫𝐢𝐚𝐠𝐞, 𝐚𝐬 𝐆𝐨𝐝 𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐝, 𝐢𝐬 𝐚 𝐬𝐚𝐜𝐫𝐞𝐝 𝐮𝐧𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐛𝐞𝐭𝐰𝐞𝐞𝐧 𝐭𝐰𝐨 𝐩𝐞𝐨𝐩𝐥𝐞. Adam (male) and Eve (female). And before anyone starts a theological debate about how Eve messed things up for Adam and, by extension, all of us—another discussion for another day, please. The principle remains: 𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐦𝐚𝐧, 𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐰𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

Now, when that union is generously expanded to three, four, or more (and honestly, I don’t even know what the legal limit is before it stops being a marriage and starts being a shareholders’ meeting), there is always a problem.

And before you wave the Old Testament at me with examples of patriarchs who had multiple wives—yes, they did, and yes, they also reaped the accompanying drama, jealousy, rivalry, and outright chaos. The receipts are there.

𝐖𝐡𝐨 𝐬𝐡𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐭𝐞𝐚𝐜𝐡 𝐮𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐩𝐨𝐥𝐲𝐠𝐚𝐦𝐲 𝐝𝐨𝐞𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐤, 𝐧𝐨 𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐡𝐨𝐰 𝐰𝐞𝐥𝐥 𝐰𝐞 𝐝𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐢𝐭? And this concept is not about the money the man has—or does not have—to care for his many wives. There is something in our hearts that yearns to be loved in retail.

𝑵𝒐 𝒂𝒎𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒕 𝒐𝒇 𝒎𝒐𝒏𝒆𝒚 𝒄𝒂𝒏 𝒄𝒐𝒎𝒑𝒆𝒏𝒔𝒂𝒕𝒆 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒘𝒉𝒐𝒍𝒆𝒔𝒂𝒍𝒆 𝒆𝒓𝒐𝒔 𝒍𝒐𝒗𝒆. 𝑰𝒕’𝒔 𝒏𝒐𝒕 𝒑𝒐𝒔𝒔𝒊𝒃𝒍𝒆.

I have had the privilege of listening to the closing remarks of three polygamous old men in their final days on earth. Each of them, without exception, concluded that monogamy is the real deal. Not because of convenience, not because of finances, but because 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐧𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐝𝐞𝐬𝐢𝐠𝐧𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐬𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐞𝐫𝐨𝐬 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐢𝐧 𝐛𝐮𝐥𝐤.

If you can, stay in a one-man, one-woman union. Not because I say so, but because it was God’s original intent before the fall of man. Spare yourself the inevitable pain that comes with complicating something that was meant to be simple (not easy, but simple).

I take note here that I know several people who’ve found themselves in a polygamous set up on conditions beyond their control. There are so many ways life goes Southwars:

•First wife left, the man re-married then the first wife came back.

•The man did not disclose he had another wife until the second family was already established.

•The man was polygamous before receiving salvation.

•ETC. There are too many scenarios to capture the uneventualities.

God is never surprised by our fallen humanity-ness. He is not looking for perfect ‘us,’ but for a relationship with us. He will work with us even in our ‘whatever’ circumstances so don’t panic if you are in it beyond your control. Ask God to help you make do with what you have.

On a different muse: Tyler Perry, in his films Why Did I Get Married 1 & 2, introduces us to the curious case of the 80:20 rule in marriage—a concept that seems to apply not only to matrimonial bliss but to many aspects of life. (I am not promoting the movies on commission I just like them).

The idea is delightfully simple: in a marriage, you likely receive about 80% of what you need from your spouse, a solid foundation of stability, shared values, and mutual support. But then—enter stage left—the alluring 20%, a tantalising promise of something extra, something different, that might seem irresistible at the time.

Imagine this: you’ve built a beautiful, sturdy bungalow home with your stable 80%, brick by thoughtful brick. Yet, one day, a charismatic stranger appears, offering you that shimmering 20% of novelty and excitement. Suddenly, your stable abode is suddenly juxtaposed with the appeal of an exotic modern maisonette, complete with the promise of adventure and a splash of unpredictability. So, you make the leap, chasing after that elusive 20%.

Decades down the line, however, you may find yourself wistfully staring at the old blueprint of your life, realising that the modest yet reliable 80% was the true heart of your happiness. It’s as if the extra 20% was merely a flash in the pan—a momentary spark that, in hindsight, couldn’t outshine the warm, enduring glow of consistency and love.

Tyler Perry’s musings invite us to laugh gently at our own follies: the temptation to trade enduring stability for the brief thrill of novelty. Just as the Bible reminds us that consistency and faithfulness are virtues worth cherishing, so too does this rule warn us that a marriage built on a solid 80% may be far more rewarding than chasing after that elusive 20%.

Just my musings, but perhaps there’s wisdom in knowing that sometimes, the real treasure is found in what’s tried, true, and steadfast, rather than in the fleeting glimmer of uncharted excitement.

Now, I fully acknowledge that life is unpredictable—it unfolds in ways we never quite anticipate, often steering us through realities far from the ideal. This post isn’t intended to settle the debate on whether a goat wife is preferable to a sheep—or even a cow—wife. Just as in counselling ethics, one cannot form a balanced view by listening to only one side of the story. Every perspective deserves a proper hearing—preferably away from the raucous din of social media. After all, as the Bible reminds us, wisdom begins with understanding every facet of the truth.

This post is a gentle reminder: if you can—if you can—choose God’s original design.

I realize I have said so much while also saying absolutely not much. This might just be my shortest post ever. Maybe one day, I’ll find the right words to say what I actually need to say. Until then… let’s just leave it at that. 𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐦𝐚𝐧, 𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐰𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

What's your take on polygamy vs monogamy?

nicholas-aruho

With Christian Literature Communications – CLC Kenya

With Christian Literature Communications – CLC Kenya

African Christian Authors Book Award – ACABA

CLC Kids & Teens

Patrick Omukhango

Jackline Ingasian