Did I ever tell you about James, who swore that when he got married and had children, he would use the Bible, and only the Bible, as the rod of correction for his children? Well, this was until reality became real.
I call this one: Never Get Advice from Someone Who’s Never Done It
Let me tell you a story about advice—and not just any advice, but advice from people whose only qualifications are theoretical musings.
Years ago, I had a heated discussion with a brother from Church, whom we’ll call James. At that time, I was navigating life as a mother to an 8-year-old, which meant I had survived the infamous terrible twos and every chaotic phase since. James, however, was single and blissfully child-free, which naturally made him an expert on parenting.
James declared, with all the confidence of someone who’s never met a toddler, that he would never spank his future kids. Instead, he would “correct them with Scriptures.” According to him, the “rod of correction” mentioned in Proverbs was not a literal rod but the Bible itself.
I stared at him, trying to keep my face neutral, and thought, Bless your theoretical heart. After realizing he was unshakeable in his opinions, I decided to save my energy and let him win that round. What was the point? He hadn’t yet had the pleasure of reasoning with a three-year-old mid-tantrum who believed they should be allowed to eat crayons for breakfast.
Fast forward a few years. James got married, and the Lord blessed him with kids. When his eldest hit the dreaded terrible twos, I bumped into him and casually asked how the “correcting with Scriptures” method was working out.
His sheepish reply? “My wife and I are much wiser now. Turns out, I spoke too soon—it’s easier said than done.” In other words, theory met reality, and the rod (literal this time) had come into play.
Now, this story isn’t about spanking—though I’m firmly in favour of measured discipline when needed. It’s about choosing who you allow to advise you in your God-given assignments.
On these social media streets, we have self-appointed gurus for everything:
- Parenting advice from those without kids.
- Marriage counsel from the unmarried.
- Business strategy from those who’ve never run a lemonade stand, let alone a company.
My former pastor used to say, “A man with experience is not at the mercy of a man with theory.” And isn’t that the truth? Experience teaches what textbooks and opinions cannot. It builds a credibility that words alone cannot match.
When someone offers advice, ask yourself: Have they been where I’m going? Are they speaking from lived experience or from a lofty place of untested ideas?
Take my recent whirlwind of projects: A Nairobi Book Fest one week, followed by a Uganda Gala the next. I was stretched so thin I felt I might snap. In the chaos, a fellow publisher, Truphie, messaged me. She said, “I know what you’re going through. Convening authors is no joke. I just launched books for three kids, and it was hard. I can’t imagine how you’re managing a whole fest. Grace be multiplied.”
Her words were a balm to my soul. She had been there, and her encouragement carried weight because she understood.
Similarly, Gathuku from Africa Speaks sent me a voice note before the gala. His timing was nothing short of divine. He has convened similar events and, with the wisdom of someone who has battled through the trenches, he carefully explained all the possible hurdles I could encounter. He didn’t stop there—he spoke a blessing over me, the kind of blessing that reaches deep into your soul and pulls out strength you didn’t know you had. By the time I finished listening, I sighed with a heartfelt Amen at the end of his note, feeling a renewed sense of purpose and peace.
There’s something profound about receiving encouragement from someone who gets it—who has walked the path, stumbled over the same stones, and emerged stronger on the other side. It turns words from mere advice into a lifeline of grace and wisdom. It reminded me yet again that when navigating God-given assignments, voices like Gathuku’s and Truphie’s are worth their weight in gold.
Their advice? Priceless. Why? Because they weren’t theorizing; they were sharing from a place of having walked the same path.
So, to sum up: Be discerning. Not every voice is worth listening to. Seek counsel from those who’ve walked your road, fought your battles, and emerged on the other side. The wisdom of experience will always trump the arrogance of theory.
And James? Well, I’m still waiting for him to explain Proverbs 13:24 to his three-year-old mid-tantrum.
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Here Are My Lessons Today:
- Seek Counsel from Those with Experience
It is wise to take advice from people who have walked the path you are on. Their experiences lend credibility and depth to their counsel. Those who speak from theory, no matter how eloquent, cannot fully grasp the realities of a journey they’ve never taken. - Discern the Source of Advice
Not all advice is worth taking, especially in the age of social media where everyone is a self-proclaimed expert. Before applying someone’s recommendations to your life, ask yourself: Have they been where I am or where I am going? - Experience Trumps Theory
As the article highlights, practical knowledge gained through real-life challenges is far more valuable than untested ideas. As the saying goes, “A man with experience is not at the mercy of a man with theory.” Choose wisdom born of practice over opinions rooted in speculation. - Encouragement from Peers is Powerful
A well-timed word of encouragement from someone who understands your struggles can make a world of difference. Such words, especially from those who have faced similar challenges, bring strength, clarity, and affirmation when you need it most. - Timing and Blessings Matter
Sometimes, it is not just the advice that matters but also the timing and the spirit in which it is given. A blessing or word of encouragement spoken at the right moment can feel like divine intervention, providing the clarity and peace needed to press on in your God-given assignments.
These lessons remind us to be selective about whose voices we allow to shape our decisions, especially in the weighty matters of life and ministry.
Talking of Experience: What Book is in My Hand Today?
If this article has taught us anything, it’s that experience is the best teacher—better than Google, Aunt Matilda’s unsolicited advice, or that friend who has all the theories but no scars to prove it. And speaking of experience, let me tell you about the book in my hand today. It’s not just any book—it’s The Father’s Heart by Oluoch Oketch, crowned the 2024 ACABA Men & Women Category Book of the Year by CLC Kenya. Trust me, this book deserves a standing ovation (or at least a dad joke salute).
The Father’s Heart isn’t one of those fluffy parenting manuals filled with recycled clichés and unrealistic tips like “just stay calm when your toddler finger-paints your walls with peanut butter.” No, no, Oluoch writes from the trenches of real fatherhood, where patience isn’t just a virtue; it’s an extreme sport.
The book is a goldmine of wisdom for men, especially those raising daughters—those tiny humans who can melt your heart one moment and out-argue you the next. Oluoch breaks down vital principles like patience (for when they ask “why?” 187 times in a row), understanding (for when they still ask “why?”), and nurturing open communication (because sometimes you need more than grunts and nods to bond).
What makes this book stand out is the way Oluoch combines thoughtful insights with practical, doable strategies. This isn’t the kind of book that leaves you saying, “Great idea, but how?” Nope. He hands you the playbook and says, “Here’s what worked for me. Go forth and conquer!”
And let’s not ignore the quotes! Oh, the quotes! They’re the kind you’ll want to frame or whip out during deep conversations to sound super profound. The book’s structure is also spot-on: each chapter builds on the last, so you’re not left wondering if you accidentally skipped a page. It’s smooth, engaging, and full of those “aha!” moments that make you feel like a parenting genius.
Here’s the thing: Oluoch Oketch writes as a father who’s been there. He’s not sitting on a pedestal, doling out advice like James from my earlier story. No, this man has survived tantrums, teenage moods, and probably a few awkward tea parties with stuffed animals. He speaks from experience, and that’s why his words carry weight.
So, whether you’re looking for practical tools, a good laugh, or reassurance that you’re not totally winging it, The Father’s Heart has you covered. It’s more than a book—it’s a lifeline for dads (and moms, because let’s face it, we all need the help).
And just like James, who had to learn the hard way that parenting is not a theoretical exercise, Oluoch reminds us that the best advice comes from those who’ve lived it. So grab this book, buckle up, and get ready for the wild, wonderful ride of parenting with wisdom, patience, and maybe a little less peanut butter on the walls.
Meet the Author
Oketch is passionate about guiding men toward renewal and restoration—helping them transform their hearts and minds while deepening their relationships. With a strong focus on intentionality, mission, and purpose, he inspires men to cultivate deeply connected and abiding intimacy, take responsibility for their lives, and embrace ownership in their personal and relational journeys. Through his work, Oketch empowers men to gain mastery over their inner lives, equipping them to lead with clarity, confidence, and joy. His approach fosters lasting relationships, personal fulfillment, and a victorious life rooted in purpose. Find more at african authors dot net
To find more about Oluoch, and his inspiring work, please visit https://africanauthors.net/oluoch-oketch
With Christian Literature Communications – CLC Kenya
With Christian Literature Communications – CLC Kenya
African Christian Authors Book Award – ACABA
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