Parenting: Picking the Chaff and Savouring the Rice (Dr. Muthoni Omukhango with CLC USA)

Did I ever tell you about the time Ella poured out 10kgs of ugali flour and then, for good measure, peed on it? Oh yes, that happened. Parenting, my friends, is not for the faint of heart.

I call this one: Picking the Chaff and Savouring the Rice.

Ah, parenting! The mysterious art of raising tiny humans who somehow manage to make you question your sanity while simultaneously filling your heart with more love than you thought possible.

Patrick and I have certainly had our fair share of head-scratching, “Did we sign up for this?” moments with our eldest daughter, Abiah.

Picture this: you’re sitting there, sipping your chocolate, I love hot chocolate, and suddenly your child says or does something that leaves you wondering if you accidentally picked up someone else’s kid at the hospital.

Don’t act shocked—you’ve been there. Perhaps it was the time they came home with a “masterpiece” that looked suspiciously like the dog’s dinner or asked you a question so profound you needed a theological degree to answer it.

Parenting is a journey filled with these “What on earth?!” moments, and honestly, we’ve learned to laugh more than cry.

Now, let’s not overstate the drama. For us, those “What are we doing wrong?” moments have been a modest 10% of the parenting experience. A mere sprinkle of confusion in an otherwise sweet pot of joy. The other 90%? Pure gratitude. For most of us, our kids are jewels—though sometimes they test weak spots. But hey, isn’t that the beauty of parenting? The polished moments don’t shine as brightly without the occasional jab from the sharp edges.

Let me take a moment to share my mama’s analogy.

My mama’s analogy about parenting and a bowl of rice is one of those rare nuggets of wisdom that packs profound truth in an everyday image. Let’s dive deeper into this culinary metaphor—because, really, who doesn’t love rice?

Parenting, like that bowl of rice, is rarely perfect. Even in the best scenarios, there are always bits of “chaff” to contend with—those small irritations, moments of rebellion, or challenges that make you question whether you’re cut out for this.

However, if the majority of your “bowl” is filled with wholesome, nourishing rice, you’re in good shape. These are the moments of joy: the giggles at bedtime, the unexpected hugs, the proud tears at school plays, and the glimpses of the person your child is becoming. These grains of rice remind you why parenting is one of the most rewarding journeys of life.

The chaff, on the other hand, represents the difficult parts—tantrums, teenage attitude/rebellion, bad company, bad use of internet for teenagers, the increasing mental health and suicidal threats or the times when your children seem to forget every life lesson you’ve painstakingly taught them.

They are the moments when you need an extra measure of grace, patience, and maybe a piece of chocolate (for yourself, not them). The key here is to pick the chaff out without letting it overshadow the good stuff.

Don’t fixate on the imperfections or blow them out of proportion. Address what needs to be addressed, correct what needs correcting, but always return to the bigger picture—a bowl full of nourishing, life-giving moments.

And so to one of my hilarous memories of parenting. Ah, Ella, our 11-year-old second-born whirlwind of energy and creativity. She was right in the middle of her terrible twos—that special age where toddlers believe they’re miniature emperors of chaos and the world is their kingdom to redecorate.

It all started innocently enough. I was preparing lunch and had set down a 10kg bucket of ugali flour on the floor. A rookie move, in hindsight. Then I remembered I had unfinished business for my husband Patrick Omukhango who was at the office in Christian Literature Communications – CLC Kenya. So I thought, What’s the worst that could happen in five minutes? Famous last words, right?

When I returned, I was greeted by a sight that can only be described as toddler performance art. There was Ella, covered head to toe in a fine layer of ugali flour, looking like she’d just auditioned for a powdered wig role in a historical drama.

She had poured the entire bucket over herself with the gusto of someone bathing from a basin. I froze. My first thought was, ‘Can we salvage the flour?’ My second thought—just as I spotted the glistening puddle beneath her—she had peed on the flour. Never mind, lunch is officially cancelled.

Now, I’d like to say I kept my composure, but the truth is, I stood there teetering between laughter and despair. I considered giving her a well-deserved spanking, but then she turned to me with those wide, innocent eyes, practically sparkling with pride at her masterpiece. How do you punish someone who looks so genuinely thrilled with their work? I had to let it go. Besides, at that point, I wasn’t even mad—I was just deeply, profoundly exhausted.

With our ugali dreams dashed, I shifted to Plan B: rice. Rice and greens. Let me tell you, in our house, greens and rice is a culinary scandal. Greens are meant for ugali, period. But desperate times call for desperate meals, so we sat down to our mismatched lunch, mourning the ugali that could have been.

After bathing flour-dusted Ella and cleaning up what could only be described as the aftermath of a flour bomb, I sat her down for a heart-to-heart. I explained, in my most serious mum voice, that food is for eating, not for playing. She nodded solemnly, though I’m pretty sure her toddler brain was already scheming her next adventure.

Fast forward ten years, and we’re still picking the chaff out of Ella-our good bowl of rice. Sure, she’s had her share of “flour moments,” but she’s also brought laughter, creativity, and enough stories to keep us entertained for a lifetime. Because really, isn’t parenting just one long, messy, unforgettable balancing act of picking the chaff and savouring the good rice? And maybe, just maybe, investing in airtight flour containers.

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Now, what if the bowl isn’t filled with good rice but mostly chaff, with only a sparse scattering of grains? This is where the analogy takes a sobering turn. In this scenario, you’re not just dealing with a few hiccups; there’s a fundamental issue at hand. Perhaps there’s a breakdown in communication, a consistent pattern of negative behaviour, or other significant challenges that cannot be ignored. This bowl calls for a time of reflection, prayer, and maybe some outside help. It’s about asking the hard questions: What’s going wrong here? Is there something I need to change as a parent? Are there external factors contributing to this situation?

The good news is that even a bowl filled with chaff isn’t hopeless. God, the ultimate Parent, specializes in redemption. If you find yourself overwhelmed, know that His grace is sufficient. He provides the wisdom to re-evaluate, the strength to persevere, and the love to restore relationships. With time, effort, and His guidance, even a chaff-filled bowl can be transformed.

Here are three key lessons from today’s story:

1. Parenting is a Balance of Grace and Growth

Parenting involves both joy and challenges—the “rice” moments of laughter, pride, and love, as well as the “chaff” moments of frustration and correction. The key is to address difficulties without losing sight of the bigger picture. A good parent learns to savour the nourishing experiences while dealing with the imperfections through grace, patience, and a commitment to growth.

2. Perspective Matters in Parenting

The way you perceive your parenting journey determines how you respond to challenges. Like rice with chaff, no child or situation is perfect. However, focusing on the wholesome moments—bedtime giggles, unexpected hugs, and milestones—builds gratitude and resilience. Laughter and a positive outlook often help turn even the most chaotic moments into cherished memories.

3. Every Child is a Work in Progress

Children, like the story of Ella, are a mix of delightful surprises and “flour-bomb” moments. These experiences require parents to correct with love, remember the big picture, and trust in God’s ultimate plan for redemption and growth. Even when the bowl seems more chaff than rice, God’s grace equips parents to restore and nurture the relationship, transforming challenges into opportunities for deeper connection.

If you are feeling overwhelmed, don’t freight. I’ve got a resource on parenting from CLC Ministries USA.

Get the Parent Map: God’s plan for parenting includes plenty of chaff-picking moments, not to discourage us but to teach us patience, perseverance, and the art of seeing the bigger picture.

Remember, your role as a parent is to plant seeds of faith, nurture them with care, and trust God for the harvest. So, when the ugali flour spills and life feels chaotic, take a breath. God’s grace is sufficient for both you and your child. Each challenge is an opportunity to teach, love, and grow together.

This resource offers a roadmap for navigating the ups and downs of parenting, reminding us that even in the messy moments, there’s a greater purpose being worked out in our children’s lives—and ours too. For more encouragement, grab your copy here:

Ultimately, this analogy today reminds us to focus on the good and deal with the bad without losing perspective. Parenting isn’t about perfection—it’s about persistence. It’s about recognizing that the bowl is never entirely free of chaff, but that doesn’t mean it’s not worth savouring. And, as any good parent knows, sometimes the best lessons come from the process of picking out the chaff, one piece at a time.

Thankfully, Patrick and I’s parenting bowl is filled with the good stuff. Sure, there’s some chaff here and there—we’ve all had those days when the “chaff” seems to multiply overnight—but the bowl itself is solid. And honestly? I’ll take the occasional chaff-picking session over a lifetime of bland, rice-less bowls any day.

So, here’s to the journey! Whether you’re up to your elbows in chaff or marvelling at the brilliance of your little gems, remember this: we’re all going to be OK. Parenting might poke at you sometimes, but the moments of joy make it all worth it. Plus, no one said this gig was supposed to be smooth. Just think of the pokes as God’s way of reminding us to stay humble—and maybe invest in thicker skin.

With Christian Literature Communications – CLC Kenya

African Christian Authors Book Award – ACABA

CLC Kids & Teens

Patrick Omukhango

Jackline Ingasian

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